Against the Odds: A Neuroscientist's Journey Embracing ADHD

Rewriting my story from go-go dancer to BMJ-published author (and making my mum proud)

As dusk unfurls its pink hues across the sky, I find myself in a reflective state, mulling over the intricate tapestry of my life's journey. This week marks a momentous milestone. My name was printed as a co-author in the British Medical Journal. For me, this is not merely a professional achievement; it's a symbol of a journey shaped by resilience, self-discovery, and an unwavering pursuit of dreams despite the challenges posed by ADHD and autism.

From the early days of my childhood, marked by a whirlwind of energy and curiosity, I realised that I was navigating a world that often seemed out of step with my own rhythm. My path was never linear or conventional. I thrived in my own uniqueness, unbound by societal expectations of masculinity or conformity. This very essence of being true to myself, however, brought with it the shadows of bullying and misunderstanding. Yet, in every challenge, I saw an opportunity to grow stronger, to reaffirm my commitment to kindness and empathy.

The Odyssey of Self-Discovery and Resilience

My teenage years were a kaleidoscope of experiences. From forming bonds with those on the fringes of society to expressing my gender fluidity with an audacious flair. I didn’t have a life of privilege, quite the opposite. My mum and dad were able to provide the basics, but I worked hard for absolutely everything I had. At one point at 14, I thought I’d want to leave school and become a hairdresser. I wore more makeup than Kim Kardashian at The Oscars ceremony and I couldn’t understand why anyone would have a problem with it. At 17, I was in a Madonna tribute act with a girl and 4 other guys, all very confused about their sexuality apart from the girl, who just couldn’t get enough of men wherever we went, touring different clubs, Vogueing around the crowd or on podiums. By 18, I was a go-go dancer and bartender, working in nighttime clubs in Madrid at the weekend and studying during the day.

These were years of self-exploration, of pushing boundaries, and often, of facing the harsh realities of a world unprepared for someone who dared to defy norms, like being physically and verbally abused. The conservative landscape of post-Franco Spain clashed with my vibrant expression of self, leading me to seek refuge and new beginnings in the bustling anonymity of London at 21.

The pursuit of knowledge became my compass, guiding me through diverse fields of study, from international business to sustainability and eventually to the realms of yoga and nutrition. Each discipline wove into the rich mosaic of my educational journey, contributing to a broader understanding of myself and the world around me. Yet, this journey was not without its trials. The vigour with which I embraced learning was often accompanied by a silent battle with anxiety and the invisible barriers of ADHD and autism.

As I delved deeper into the world of academia, the challenges intensified. The demanding pace of a lab-based clinical neuroscience master's program, coupled with personal struggles, brought forth a stark realisation. The journey to becoming a scientist, to fulfilling my childhood dream, was intertwined with a deeper quest for self-acceptance and understanding.

Me at 17 at my sister’s wedding wearing ALL the makeup available in Spain at the time and causing a country-wide shortage of bronzer and lip gloss, channelling “Justify My Love” energy.

The Journey Towards Inner Belief and Transformation

The realisation that change truly comes from within was a pivotal moment in my life. Surrounded by accolades and affirmations, I understood that unless I internalised these sentiments, they would remain mere echoes. This journey towards self-belief was especially poignant, given my experiences of childhood abuse. The path to trusting in the kindness of others and in the worthiness of myself was a journey of unlearning fears and misconceptions ingrained from a young age.

Becoming a neuroscientist at 41 was a testament to the power of perseverance. It was a declaration that despite ADHD, autism, and the myriad challenges life threw my way, my aspirations were achievable. My decision to pursue a doctoral degree at Middlesex University was a turning point, marked by an environment that nurtured my creativity and embraced my uniqueness. I can’t thank my supervisor, Professor Brian Sutton, enough for believing in me and for pushing me to do my own thing instead of blending in for a quiet life.

The journey, however, was far from over. The diagnosis of ADHD and the ensuing treatment opened a new chapter, one where I learned to balance my mental health with my professional aspirations. It was a period of introspection, of making my social circle very small so I could focus on learning to be kinder to myself, and of recognising the need to prioritise my wellbeing alongside my ambitions. It was also a journey through the pros and cons of ADHD meds, which helped some aspects of my life, like being better able to work on a task for a long time without being distracted or bored, but that quite clearly were not the magic solution that was going to sort out my brain for good. In fact, when it came to dealing with my anxiety and the aftermath of my childhood trauma, the meds didn’t even touch the sides. If anything, they made both worse. I felt more anxious, particularly in the evening, and I ruminated more about my adverse childhood experiences. This may have been a bit of a blessing in disguise because, in the end, I decided to wean myself off the ADHD meds and work on my mind as well as my body, starting to be kinder to myself than I had been in the last 20 years of my life when I was just focusing on achieving things, compulsively, as if I had something to prove with every one of my actions… Get a house, get degrees, travel, have fun, have parties! In fact, rephrase. Have LOTS of parties!!!

Fast-forward 10 years. Seeing my name in the British Medical Journal at nearly 51 has triggered a moment of profound reflection. It’s a reminder that our dreams are attainable, regardless of the obstacles we face. It’s a testament to the belief that change, true and lasting change, begins from within. It's a message I hope resonates with you if you find yourself in similar battles, fighting against the tides of doubt and societal constraints.

The BMJ Clinical Trial Protocol

This groundbreaking clinical trial investigates the effects of kefir, a probiotic Lactobacillus-rich fermented milk drink, on children with ADHD. It provides an updated research protocol based on our previous study, “Trialling a Microbiome-Targeted Dietary Intervention in Children with ADHD: The Rationale and a Non-Randomised Feasibility Study,” published in the journal Pilot and Feasibility Studies in May 2022. It’s been conducted over six weeks, involving ADHD-diagnosed children aged 8-13 years across the UK who were assigned to either a kefir-supplemented group or a placebo group. The study aimed to evaluate the influence of kefir on ADHD behaviour, sleep patterns, gut microbiota, inattention, and impulsivity. We already knew from the results of the pilot study that regular kefir consumption has beneficial effects on managing ADHD symptoms, improving sleep quality, and positively altering gut microbiota composition. So, this innovative piece of clinical research highlights the potential of simple dietary interventions in ADHD management and opens new avenues for exploring the gut-brain connection in neurodevelopmental conditions. The trial’s results are now being processed and will be published in 2024. For now, you can read the BMJ article here. A lot of what I’ve learned from being part of this research group has gone into my Thrive With ADHD course.

From spirited dreams to scientific breakthroughs, this page in the BMJ Open marks a chapter where my journey of resilience and curiosity bears fruit in the realm of ADHD clinical research.

Embracing My Inner Strengths

I think of my mum and dad when I was really young. I was a sweet boy, but I was rebellious. They loved me unconditionally, as they still do, but I know they had some moments when they must have thought, “WTAF!?” And I don’t blame them. I was fearless. I remember when I actually left home with a friend to be a dancer in a club in Benidorm (of all places!!!), only to get there when all the jobs were gone. I was 17. We ran out of money after a couple of days, and the kind of things we had to do in order to survive and finally get on a bus back to Madrid I’ll keep for my memoir! So I believe my mum when she tells me how pleased she is “with how I’ve turned out” and with all the things I’ve done with my life because, at one point, she was really worried I’d be a complete lost cause. She also tells me she always knew I’d do exactly what I wanted to do and that she loves me for it.

In sharing my story, I hope it serves as a beacon of hope and inspiration for anyone who’s ever felt out of place, been impulsive, or has stumbled along the way. Just like the brain is capable of remarkable change and adaptation thanks to the marvel of neuroplasticity, our lives can transform in the most extraordinary ways. This truth holds a special resonance for those who feel like eternal outsiders, square pegs in round holes, uncertain of their path. Remember, change emanates from within. The more we embrace our unique strengths instead of conforming to avoid conflict, the closer we step towards genuine happiness and fulfilment. Life, much like the intricate neural networks of our brains, is not fixed; it's a dynamic, evolving journey that we have the power to shape. So, to all the square pegs, the spirited rebels, and the dreamers, hold fast to your uniqueness. It's not just about fitting into the world, but about reshaping it to fit the truest versions of ourselves.

With this embrace of our inner landscape, we can craft a life that is as unique and vibrant as the synaptic dances of our neurons. To everyone feeling adrift, know that with each sunrise, we're offered a new canvas to paint our stories afresh. Change is not just possible; it is the very essence of our being. And sometimes, it is those who have wandered the most who find the most beautiful paths. Embrace your journey, for it is yours alone, and it is filled with endless possibilities.

Love,